Get the Helen Thomas out of the White House Press Core

I don’t usually use my blog to voice a lot of my own political views, or go off, Daily-Show-style, on the politicians and the media, but today, I’d like to use my freedom of speech for the noblest of causes: I’m going to pick on an old lady.

On May 27th Senior White House press core journalist, Helen Thomas was asked by a rabbi making a video journal at a Jewish American Heritage Month event at the White House if she had any comments on Israel. That video has just been released, and here is how she answered.

“Tell them to get the hell out of Palestine. Remember, these people are occupied, and it’s their land. It’s not German; it’s not Poland.”
The rabbi asked where the Jews are supposed to go.
Helen said, “Go home.”
He asked, “Where?”
Helen replied, “Poland. Germany. And America, and everywhere else.”

Wow. Was she kidding? It’s not like the Jews were having a party in Poland and Germany before the modern state of Israel. In fact, there used to be only one party there. The Nazi party.

This isn’t youthful ignorance on her part. She’s 89. Maybe she’s just forgotten her history. And I don’t mean the Holocaust. I mean the Jews living in Israel long enough ago that it was called Judea. Don’t try to convince me that it was Great Britain who came up with that name and graciously gave over the land to the ancient Hebrews.

Okay, so maybe Helen’s memory isn’t so sharp or she can’t keep track of the facts anymore. Which is great for a journalist who gets to ask the president the first question at every press conference. She has the first row, center chair in front of Barack Obama’s podium, people. Is that because she deserves it, or because they are afraid she’ll wander off if there aren’t people on all sides of her to calmly get her back in her chair so she can just fall asleep?

Now, there may be those who argue, maybe she didn’t know that Jews would hear her comments. But this was the Jewish American Heritage celebration. Maybe she didn’t think it would get any public attention. But it was at The White House. And maybe she didn’t think anyone would take much stock in one 89-year-old woman’s opinion. But she has been reporting from the White House since President Eisenhower lived there.

She’s been a long-respected member of the journalist community, and a face in the public eye for decades. In fact, I understand that they wanted to make a movie about her life, with the title role to have been played by Walter Matthau.

Did you see her on that video, cackling at her own comments? Why was she laughing, anyway? It wasn’t funny. If it had been even the least bit witty or amusing, I might have thought she was a wrinkled Bruce Vilanch in drag.

Some may say she sounds like an anti-Semitic shrew, but I don’t think that’s fair. “Shrew” is usually reserved for a younger woman. Helen is older than dirt, so I’m gonna go with anti-Semitic harpy.

Many called for her to be fired, and Helen has since announced that she is going to retire. I suppose she can spend her remaining golden years searching for Nazi paraphernalia on e-Bay or posing as the cast model for Witchie-Poo Halloween masks.

I don’t think it’s enough that she just gets to retire with her noble position intact. I think her hate speech is unforgivable, and I am left to wonder just how much of her personal bias against Israel and the Jewish people has leaked into her writing over the years? How yellow and slanted is her journalism? Can we trust any of her reporting? And if her opinions are not just politically based, but racially-charged, doesn’t it beg the question, what about her views on race as a whole? How many issues on tolerance, immigration, education, civil rights, and equal treatment under law were shaded through her reporting for the last 50 years?

In her defense, I don’t think she is an out-and-out racist, just an anti-Semite. And if you think my comments and opinions are biased just because I am a Jew, then you might also think Ms. Thomas’ are too, since she is Lebanese.

She was born in the United States, and so was I. the difference is, she was born here when it was just known as the Colonies. I believe in her First Amendment right to free speech – regardless of how ugly and ignorant her opinion may be, and I also believe in the freedom of the press, the unhindered, objective, unedited, unbiased reporting of the events of our lives. Journalists are supposed to report the news. But if her personal opinions have continuously smudged and smeared her reporting over her entire career, that is, if she does her reporting like she does her lipstick, then she has done a lot of damage. It hurts the integrity of journalism as much as it hurts to look at her in high-def. In so doing, her work has marred that freedom that we hold so dear.

Instead of a newspaper journalist, maybe she should have been a commentator or lobbyist or a campaign manager for David Duke. Because op-eds don’t belong in the headlines. They belong, like this blog, on the Internet.

Now, if I have been remiss in any way here, it is that I am not bagging on her enough, especially since this is supposed to be a humor blog. Therefore, I also have to point out that ol’ Helen was wise to stay in the papers and off TV. I mean, she’s not the most attractive woman. She looks like Madeline Albright’s ugly older sister. And if that sounds too mean, than I’ll retract that and say ugly older brother.

The whole video hasn’t been released yet, and some are saying she may be vindicated when the entire clip can be seen, and as we know, video can easily be manipulated with clever editing. But I don’t think that’s the case here. I think that when the rest of the video comes out, it’s going to show Helen mounting her broom, flying up into the clouds, and sky-writing “Surrender Dorothy!” Assuming Dorothy is now Israeli.

All I can hope for now, is that Helen enjoys her quiet years of retirement – and the quieter, Helen, the better. Or at least until someone throws a bucket of water on her and she melts away. What a world, what a world.