“Mel Gibson’s Next Religious Story”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/09/mel-gibson-making-film-about-jewish-hero/1

Mel Gibson is set to make a movie about Judah Macabee, the hero of the Jewish holiday Chanukah.  Macabee led a revolt against the oppressive rule of the Syrian-Greeks in pre-Roman Judea.  Mel was attracted to the material because it features a Jew starting a war.

Mel wants the film to be completely historically accurate, except that instead of the Greek Army, Judah Macabee will beat Oksana Grigorieva.

With all Jewish characters, Gibson will make a film that critics and audiences might love, but he will still hate.

Mel says the action in this movie is going to knock your teeth out – and you deserve it.

It’s been said that Gibson sees Macabee as a Jewish version of William Wallace.  The title of the movie will be Brave Schnoz. 

“Mel’s new Gal” or “What Women Want”

http://www.tmz.com/2011/06/18/mel-gibson-stella-mouzi-fetish-model-pictures-dancer-new-girlfriend-dating-oksana-grigorieva-look-alike-vacation-dungeons-greek-citizen/

TMZ says that Mel Gibson may have a new girlfriend, Stella Mouzi,who is a Greek, gothic fetish model.  Clearly he’s okay with the fetish stuff; the way his movie The Beaver opened, he’s obviously into humiliation.

If she really into domination, that might be new to Mel.  He’s used to being the one doing the hitting.

If TMZ is correct, the couple hasn’t been together long.  Which you can tell because she still has all her teeth.

“Beaver Shot”

Ticket sales were very disappointing for the opening of the new Jodie Foster/ Mel Gibson movie, The Beaver.  Audiences just couldn't give a dam.

With Mel being such a controversial figure, in retrospect, Jodie Foster realizes that she should have cast… Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.

Though she has never addressed it publicly, it is still widely believed that Jodie Foster herself has always preferred the beaver.

“Non-Lethal Weapon”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2010/11/mel-gibson-admits-he-slapped-oksana-grigorieva/1

According to court documents, Mel Gibson admitted to slapping girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva back in January, but only to calm her in her state of hysteria. Mel didn’t specify whether it was he or she who was in the state of hysteria.

Mel alleged that she was holding and shaking the baby, trying to keep her away from him. “She clutched that baby,” Mel said, “like a Jew holding his money.”

Mel will use this experience as the basis for the sequel to one of his popular romantic comedy films, What Women Don’t Want.

"How Is Mel Gibson Acting?"

http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2010-10-19-mel-gibson_N.htm

Mel Gibson is reported to have a cameo role in the upcoming sequel, The Hangover 2. Mel will take the place of the vicious, snarling tiger from the first film.

Mel’s understanding of the story is that the gang wakes up after a wild weekend, but their memories of it are completely blacked out by a conspiracy by the Jews.

Mel actually doesn’t care what religion the screenwriter is, because he considers everything a Jewish plot.

The movie will really be an acting challenge for Gibson. On the set, between takes, he has to act normal.

Known to be a method actor, while shooting Mel may actually have a hangover.

Mel is expected to behave on set, because this time, he will be aware that he is being recorded.

Gibson is glad to be in the cast, instead of threatening to put someone else in one.

Mel’s alleged fee to appear in the movie: He will get no money, but someone has to bl*w him in a Jacuzzi. Or get punched in the face.

“Master Race Car”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2010-08-16-gibson-crash_N.htm

Over the weekend, Mel Gibson crashed his Maserati into a hillside in Malibu. Gibson was not injured, and alcohol was not believed to be a factor, but Gibson is certain the hillside was being controlled by the Jews.

Unfortunately, there is no audio tape to tell us if Mel had previously threatened to take a sports car to the side of his own head or to bury himself in a hillside.

Some suspect Mel may have crashed the Maserati on purpose, in anger. The car was supposed to meet him for sex at the Jacuzzi, but it had been too tired.

From Today's News: Thursday, Aug. 23, 2007

Lindsay Lohan got a 1day jail sentence as part of a plea bargain on drunk driving and cocaine charges today. One day? Paris Hilton is pissed!

Speaking of Paris, her partner in crime, so to speak, Nicole Richie served 82 minutes of her 4-day DUI sentence. In related story, Lindsay Lohan is pissed.

Eighty two minutes. I think that’s too harsh. I think Nicole should only have gotten 15 minutes and not a second more. No, wait. I’m thinking about her fame.

Of the many unfortunate circumstances surrounding the jail sentences of Paris, Nicole, and Lindsay, the worst is that real criminals don’t even get street cred for getting locked up any more.



Mel Gibson’s attorney reported to a judge today that Gibson was following the rules of his probation, brought about by his infamous drunk driving arrest and corresponding anti-Semitic tirade last July. If people like Mel are good at anything, it’s following orders and goose-stepping.



The job company Monster.com has admitted that Internet crooks were able to steal basic identity information by enticing 1.3 million Monster users to click fake web-links. Guess there’s going to be quite a few new job openings at Monster.com, eh?



Scientists have calculated that Tyrannosaurus Rex, despite its huge bulk, were still quite fast, able to run at up to 18 miles per hour, much faster than a human. I don’t know how useful that research is; until they also know how fast a T-Rex could drive.

The study used computers loaded with biomechanics information to determine the running speeds of several extinct species. The next round will clock electable middle-of-the-road politicians.

The scientists said, that as long as they are getting paid, they can also tell you who is faster: a unicorn or a Pegasus.