“The Real Estate of Paris”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/06/paris-hiltons-next-venture-real-estate-/1

Paris Hilton has announced that she is turning her attention towards real estate development as a next careeer step.  Paris likes real estate because high-end new houses reminds her or herself: carefully styled, expensive, and of course, completely empty.

Paris says she wants to concentrate on hotels and beach clubs.  That way, at the same time she’s inspecting  properties to buy, she can be looking for her underwear.

Paris’ very name is synonymous with the hotel industry.  Nor because of the Hilton family’s hotels; because, for the right price, anyone stay inside her.

The real estate industry itself has been in a terrible perios of slow-down, but now it is going to really start seeming slutty.

If Paris does get into real estate, it will be first time her name is ever mentioned in the same sentence as ther word “real.”

“In Japan”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2010-09-21-paris-hilton-japan_N.htm

Paris Hilton was detained in Tokyo while Japanese officials debated whether or not to allow her into the country. Her recent drug charge plea in Las Vegas, means immigration authorities could deny her entry. But really, it’s just that the Japanese just have higher cultural standards than the U.S..

It would be ironic if Japan denied Paris entry, because Paris has ever denied anyone entry.

“A Night in Paris’s House”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_paris_hilton_burglar;_ylt=AihYzJqBkCbPTc3lmJt8F75bbBAF;_ylu=X3oDMTNjbWVhM3NpBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwODI0L3VzX3BhcmlzX2hpbHRvbl9idXJnbGFyBGNjb2RlA21vc3Rwb3B1bGFyBGNwb3MDNQRwb3MDNQRzZWMDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3JpZXMEc2xrA3BvbGljZWludHJ1ZA--

Police arrested a man who broke into Paris Hilton’s house early Tuesday morning, allegedly armed with knives. Paris tweeted about the incident but did not reveal how many times she had sex with the man before the cops showed up.

Paris was not comforted by the fact that the man was taken to jail, because jail is a place where everyone gets out, like, after only a few days, right?

One report says that Paris was in no danger, because the man was only willing to kill a virgin or a genius.

Bauble Trouble

Paris Hilton has reported to police that the theft of $2 million worth of jewelry from her mansion last month may have been pulled off by an acquaintance. That narrows it down to thousands of people she’s slept with.

Paris is most upset by what she calls an “invasion of privacy,” which she cherishes as a reality television staple, tabloid main-stay, and sex-tape star.

Police are calling it an inside job, meaning the suspects are now limited to the multitudes who have been inside her.

In-house security footage showed a person wearing a hoodie and a pair of gloves, briefly throwing suspicion on O.J. Simpson.

(Just kidding, O.J. Please don’t kill me. Or kidnap me at gunpoint.)

In the future, Paris is considering hiding her jewels in her own bodily orifices, but that’s a security problem since so many people have access.

There may seem to be a bias, where everything I write about Paris implies that she is slutty. Perhaps I’m selling her short. After all, she is also useless and stupid.