“Baby Aspirin”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2012/02/foster-friess-bayer-aspirin-contraceptives-santorum-/1#.Tz2IR8U192A

Foster Friess, millionaire supporter of Rick Santorum’s super PAC, said in an MSNBC interview that women should use  Bayer aspirin as a contraceptive –by holding one between their knees.  Friess’ remark may have backfired, since taking an aspirin often cures the headaches that prevent sex.

The idea of using aspirim as birth control has caused confusion for many of Santorum’s supporters.  Some are substituting their birth control pills with2 Bayer tablets while others are trying to have sex with the pill bottle.

People having sex by themselves are then logically encouraged to use Aspercreme, and just rub it in.

The pharmacists of America want to remind people to only use aspirin as directed, between two consenting adults.

Sex itself has been said to be a medicine.  And by extension, gay sex is an alternative medicine.

“Take a Pill”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/story/2012-02-01/Pfizer-recalls-1M-birth-control-packs-after-mixup/52912626/1

Pzizer has issued a recall of 1 million birth control pills under 3 different brand and generic names, after a factory dispensing error caused packages to contain too many pills or too few.  This story is a lead in to October’s top story: the 2012 baby boom.

A Pfizer spokesperson encourages customers to return the recalled pills, or just stop sleeping around.

On the upside, the factory mistake takes some of the burden of responsibility off of the many women who just forgot to take their pill anyway.

Women who got too many of the hormone pills have been outraged, then depressed, then apologetic, then flirty, and then aggressively amorous.

Instead of continuing to take the pills in their current package, some women are just taking the placebos.

On an interesting social note, experts estimate that the need to replace 1 million defective pills will likely prevent sex from taking place by as many as 2 drunk strangers.

Many users of the pill are planning to launch a class action lawsuit, but won’t have time to pursue it once they are trying to care for a newborn.

“Obama Chill on Pill” or “President B. on Plan B”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/story/2011-12-08/Obama-Morning-after-pill-decision-common-sense/51745132/1?csp=ylf

President Obama said he supports the Department of Health and Human Services decision to restrict availability of the morning-after pill to girls under 17 by requiring a prescription.  He then glared and shook an accusing finger at Malia and Sasha.

To those 17 and older, the morning after pill is available over-the-counter, as long as you can handle the harsh, fluorescent lights at the drug store while you’re still hung over.

While the president didn’t comment directly on the over-the-counter availability of the drug for adults, he and Michelle exchanged a knowing glance and a relieved high-five.

“Protection for Teens”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/parenting-family/teen-ya/story/2011-10-12/Teens-using-condoms-more-often-but-not-consistently/50742932/1

A new federal survey finds that teens between 15 and 19 are using condoms more often than they used to, up to 80% from 71%.  In that age group, those who said they have had sex were most likely to use condoms as contraception, while nerds are using them as paintball grenades.

According to the survey, boys are less likely to want to use a condom when they have sex, but their willingness to use one increases dramatically if they have a partner.

“Rubbing It In”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/10/contraceptive-gel-/1
Researchers’ clinical trial results say that a once-a-day contraceptive gel could replace the birth control pill in 5 years. All women have to do is apply it to their skin. Said a skeptic, “Ah, there’s the rub.”

The gel only needs to be applied to the woman’s abdomen, legs, arms, or shoulders, which is easy for her to do herself. A man could do it for her, but he won’t be interested since it might seem like foreplay.