“Drinking Moosehead”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/story/2011-09-08/Seemingly-drunk-Swedish-moose-found-stuck-in-tree/50316558/1

In Sweden, a moose who had been eating fermented apples that had fallen from a tree got stuck in the tree due to the apples intoxicating effects.  Police helped to free the animal, but now that moose can’t ever run for public office. 

Except in Texas or Florida.

Because of his antlers, the next day both sides of his head felt a full hang-over effect.

The moose explained to the police that he was on his way to the Elks’ Club.

The drunk moose was then cared for by some deer friends.

The moose had forgotten the old adage, “fermented apples before liquor, never sicker.”

The moose claimed to have been egged on by his friend, a flying squirrel with a high-pitched voice.

The moose was initially thought to be drunk after a night of partying at Whatsamatta U.

The next day, the moose woke up remembering nothing, but he was in Las Vegas with Mike Tyson’s stolen tiger.

“Impaired Judgment”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/03/man-shows-up-to-dwi-hearing-late-drunk-carrying-open-beer/1

A man showed up to his felony DWI pretrial hearing in New York an hour and a half late for court, drunk, and carrying an open beer and 4 more in a bag. Haven’t we heard enough about Charlie Sheen already?

Justice is supposed to be blind, but not blind drunk.

In order that the man is tried by his peers, his lawyer will be looking for a hung-over jury.

Snookie Says

In a recent interview, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi said she sometimes gets blackout drunk and wakes up in a garbage can. But that’s what happens when you hook up with a hobo and go back to his place.

And sometimes, when she gets really drunk, she wakes up with a garbage can in her.