Showing posts with label splitting up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label splitting up. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

“Action/Father Figure”


The identity of the woman with whom Arnold Schwarzenegger had a child was revealed today.  Mildred “Patty” Baena was a housekeeper and assistant in Arnold and Maria’s home for over 20 years.  Apparently, she was really good at cleaning, organizing, and keeping her trap shut.

She wouldn’t do windows, but as a trade-off, she would do Arnie.

Coincidentally, “Mildred Baena” is Spanish for “Baby Mama.”

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

“Terminating their Marriage”


Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver announced in a joint statement Monday that they were splitting up.  By releasing a prepared statement, Arnold didn’t have to grope for words.

Maria may have been California’s First Lady, but she certainly won’t be Arnold’s last.

Arnold explained, “Maria just doesn’t understand me,” to which Maria replied, “It’s that stupid accent.”

It’s possible that the direction of Schwarzenegger’s career may have put too much stress on their relationship.  After all, he has been unemployed since January.

The timing of the split is puzzling to many, especially since the Hollywood power couple hasn’t even made a reality show yet.

As Arnold stood in the doorway with his suitcases in his hands, his last words to Maria were, “I’ll be back.”

There were no accusations of infidelity, although it is well known that Arnold spent the last 7 years screwing California.

Now that the former Mr. Universe will be living alone again, for the first time in years he'll be pumping his own iron.