“Cheating on the Country” or “Adultery: Making a Federal Case out of It”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_edwards_investigation

Former Senator John Edwards was indicted today on charges that campaign money was used to cover up his extramarital affair during the 2008 election.  Edwards insists that besides abandoning his wife while she battled cancer, having the affair, getting his mistress pregnant, denying he was the father, and hiding the baby, he’s done nothing wrong.

Hundreds of thousands of dollars were allegedly kept mistress Reille Hunter and her baby hidden.  Secret checks sometimes came in boxes of chocolate.  Then Edwards had a real moral dilemma: give the chocolates to his wife or his mistress?

Appropriately, the chocolate was bitter-sweet.

The Indictment of John Edwards is also a reminder of fake TV psychic John Edward, from ‘Crossing Over,” who, after the former senator’s scandal, now appears to be the lesser of the two douches.

“Action/Father Figure”

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20490714,00.html

The identity of the woman with whom Arnold Schwarzenegger had a child was revealed today.  Mildred “Patty” Baena was a housekeeper and assistant in Arnold and Maria’s home for over 20 years.  Apparently, she was really good at cleaning, organizing, and keeping her trap shut.

She wouldn’t do windows, but as a trade-off, she would do Arnie.

Coincidentally, “Mildred Baena” is Spanish for “Baby Mama.”

“Girlie Man”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2011-05-17-schwarzenegger-child_N.htm

Arnold Schwarzenegger revealed that his separation from wife maria Shriver was prompted by his admission that he fathered a child with a member of their household staff over a decade ago.  His affair means that in the late 1990’s, his role as Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin was only the second worst thing he did to those who loved and trusted him.

Before he became governor of California in 2004, Arnold was the top action star in Hollywood.  Today’s news is just proof that he never stopped getting action.

Though the couple announced their split last week, hiding an extra-marital affair until after his two terms in public office makes Arnold an honorary Kennedy.

Arnold doesn’t seen to be facing too much fallout from the public over his affair, making recently resigned Senator John Ensign wish he’d been a movie star before he ran for office.

There was no way that Arnold could deny that the baby was his, since it had huge muscles, an Austrian accent, couldn’t act, and caused an insurmountable state debt.