Wal-Mart will have to pay another $62 million in damages to workers whose pay had been withheld, on top of a $78.5 million judgment for an employee class-action suit. However, since it’s a Wal-Mart suit, it will likely fall apart the first time it’s worn.

The individual employees will get anywhere from around $50 up to a few thousand, depending on their hours, and wage rate. For most, this will enable them to, for the first time, shop somewhere other than Wal-Mart.

The judge ruled that employees working through their breaks had to be compensated, even though Wal-Mart says they worked voluntarily. Who’s going to believe that? In America, most people don’t even work when they’re working.

A spokesperson for Wal-Mart says that the company discourages employees from working on breaks, and disciplines managers who allow it. The spokesperson issued the statement from her office, where she was shackled and chained to a wall.

Wal-Mart isn’t worried, though. They will make up the lost profits by staying committed to offering inferior products to their customers, every day.



U.S. Capitol Police reported 4 suspicious fires occurring in 4 different Senate office buildings. There were no injuries, but since it occurred in Senate offices, the most obvious explanation so far is, “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”