“Antique Crystal”
In Ohio, a nursing home fire and explosion were traced to a homemade meth lab found inside one of the rooms. Their slogan was “Just like Grandma used to make.”
The residents explained that it was just way more fun than playing bingo.
And cheaper than Viagra.
With the meth lab destroyed, the seniors are going to have to go back to their old hobby: crack.
“Speed Buggy”
Lamborghini has made a one-of-a-kind Aventtador supercar, with no roof or windshield. Because it is unique, if you buy it, you are going to get stuck with the floor model.
Like the car itself, any women who want a ride in it should expect to be topless.
It’s the first functioning car built entirely based on a design by Hot Wheels.
With a 700-horsepower, 6.6-liter, 12-cylinder engine, it can go almost 200 miles per hour. However, no matter how fast you drive it, it can’t make your penis bigger.
Build solely to be “an extreme driving experience,” it has no radio or air-conditioning, although, I’m sure they would install those things for only another hundred thousand dollars.
“Rush to Conclusions”
After being dropped by several advertisers, Rush Limbaugh apologized for calling law student Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute” for advocating for contraception to be covered under health insurance. Rush said he was sorry he used those two words about Ms. Fluke, and his statement should not in any way be taken to mean he wouldn’t like to get a little piece of that.
Rush implied that Sandra had sex all the time, with anyone, because she wanted birth control to be covered under healthcare plans. He completely misunderstood how insurance companies screw people.
“Bank Skank”
Texas financier and former bank owner R. Allen Stanford was convicted Tuesday on 13 out of 14 charges related to a $7.1 billion Ponzi scheme over 20 years, the largest in U.S. history. Stanford is now considered the Harvard of banking criminals.
