Showing posts with label Pope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pope. Show all posts

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Lap Dance, White House, NASCAR, Robbery, Pope, Robbery and Twitter Review


A scandal erupted this week for Gerardo Hernandez, a mayoral candidate in Sunland Park, New Mexico who was secretly video-taped receiving a lap-dance from a topless woman in his office.  Hernandez would have told the woman to stop and get dressed, but he didn’t want to be involved in a cover-up.

Hernandez has not dropped out of the race, but has lost at least one vote – his wife’s.



The White House defended President Obama’s apology to Afghan President Hamid Karzi in the wake of two American troops who were killed in what is believed to be retaliation for the burning of copies of the Quran.   Obama hopes Afghanistan will apologize for the murder of the two Americans so we can call it even.

If Afghanistan doesn’t accept Obama’s apology, he wants to ask how many more American troops they would like to kill until they forgive us.



 NASCAR driver Danica Patrick’s race in the Sprint Cup ended abruptly, with a violent collision in the final lap of the qualifying race.  Luckily she wasn’t injured, and as a bonus, she’s been offered an endorsement deal from CrashDaddy.com.

Up until the collision, Danica had been doing well.  NASCAR experts theorize that she probably started fixing her hair and make-up in the rearview mirror, or calling her girlfriends on her cell phone.



Campaigning in Michigan, Mitt Romney said Friday that “Detroit should not just be the Motor City of America… (but) of the world.”  Mitt was talking about his love of cars all week, so it seems he is putting his Motor where his mouth is.

He also criticized government fuel efficiency standards as having put too great a burden on the auto industry.  Apparently, he forgot that most American voters are also drivers who have to pay for their own gas.



In Spain, 4 thieves who robbed a warehouse vault on Thursday crashed their getaway car into another vehicle, carjacked another car to escape, but forgot their loot in the back seat of the abandoned car.  To avoid this problem next time, they are riding bikes.
Even though the loot was left in bags inside the car, it’s okay because the loot did not include milk or any other perishable items.
The driver is especially worried because he doesn’t think his insurance covers botched heists.
Since they lost their own automobile, which is now is police possession, the first plan they made for their next job was to arrange for a car rental.


Pope Benedict XVI has begun posting daily tweets for the Catholic repentance period of Lent.  That ought to get the young people of the Internet.

His tweets pose the question, “What would Jesus say – in 140 characters or less.”

The Vatican hopes the tweets will reach everyone who didn’t give up Twitter for Lent.

The Pope carries around 3 tablets.  One’s an iPad, and the other 2 just have the Ten Commandments on them.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

From Today's News: Aug. 8, 2007

Barry Bonds hit his record-breaking 756th home run last night in San Francisco. Now he’s going to Disneyland. Not to celebrate at the park. To get the ball he hit – it landed in Anaheim.

Breaking Hank Aaron’s record is bound to make Bonds popularity shoot up.

You know, love him or hate him, you have to admit, with all the allegations of steroid use, Bonds has really taken a lot of needling.



The Department of Homeland Security is developing a new non-lethal, hand-held weapon. It emits a powerful strobe light, using intense, varied light pulses and colors which can temporarily blind a suspect and cause dizziness, vertigo and nausea. So far, the only side effect has been disco dancing.

Of course, officials would have to be very careful to make sure that the flashlight shaped weapon was not mishandled or abused, say, to make shadow puppets.

Most training for using these light weapons will be limited to just using the Force.



Pope Benedict XVI met this week with Rev. Tadeusz Rydzyk, a controversial, Polish priest who has been accused of making anti-Semitic remarks. Tolerance groups are bothered by the pope meeting with him. Another tolerance group responded, saying, “This isn’t because the guy’s Polish, is it?”

The Vatican has made no official statement , but an inside source says there shouldn’t be much controversy, because the pope isn’t Jewish.

…Or is he? He does like to wear a yarmulke.



A New Zealand couple is giving their baby the name Superman, but only because the government won’t let them legally name him 4Real. It is unknown at this time if either parent is an android or from the planet Krypton.

The parents say they will call the boy 4Real even if the government won’t acknowledge that as his name. Their resolve was universally applauded by school bullies who can hardly wait.

Whether they call him Superman or 4Real, the important thing is that he has two parents who obviously were never allowed to have a pet when they were kids.

New Zealand’s Department of Internal Affairs, which operates the name registry, may just decide that there is a precedent that the baby Superman is better off in the foster care of Jonathan and Martha Kent of Smallville, Kansas.