“Close to the Heart”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2010-09-01-bracelets01_ST_N.htm

Several high schools across the country have banned rubber bracelets bearing the breast cancer awareness slogan, “I love boobies.” Student groups wonder if the administrators are just looking for a little tit for tat.

To keep students from thinking about breasts, all sports where spherical balls are used will stop, America the Beautiful will be sung with the phrase “mountains majesty” omitted, school lunches with fruit salad will be emptied of all melons.

The schools that confiscate the rubber bracelets will recycle then by melting them down to become condoms for students.

The schools are sure that their tactics will take high school boys’ eyes off the girls wrists, so they can go back to staring at their chests.

The makers of the bracelets say that research shows that the best way to fight breast cancer is through adolescent giggling.