“In the Old Days”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/09/montana-resident-walter-breuning-billed-as-the-worlds-oldest-man-turns-114-today/1

The world’s oldest man, Walter Breuning of Montana, celebrated his 114th birthday today. He likes to celebrate his birthdays with a couple of biscuits and a glass of sassafras. Which is old-people-talk for hookers and cocaine.

For his birthday wish, he’s like to see the whole world join hands and get the hell off his lawn.

Breuning can still walk and takes no medications except 1 baby aspirin. The aspirin is for pain from walking.

But he’s old enough that he remembers when baby aspirin were made out of real babies.

Breuning admits that at 114 he still has plenty to learn, like how do you work a remote control, and who the hell are you?

A reporter asked the 114-year-old what his favorite TV shows were. He answered popcorn, baked potato, and pizza, and then someone pointed out that he had been watching the microwave.