“Tobacco No Longer Rolling their Own”

President Obama signed into law today a bill granting the Food and Drug Administration the power to regulate tobacco. The president’s goal is to keep America’s kids and teens tobacco free so that they can grow up to be seen as un-cool.

The president’s signing of the bill was accompanied by applause from a room packed with supporters. Obama has already had many such packed-room signings, and some worry he may soon develop a pack-a-day habit.

Emphasizing the effectiveness of cigarette makers’ targeted advertising, today’s tobacco law signing was smooth, had nothing added, and bore a full rich flavor.

Obama has publicly acknowledged his own struggle to quit, and that he does still smoke. He’s cool.