Obama, Angelina Jolie, and the Doctor of all scammers

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2012/02/dallas-doctor-accused-of-record-375k-medicare-fraud-scam/1#.T01BD4c192A

A Texas doctor is facing charges for allegedly scamming Medicare out of almost $375 million over 5 years for bogus medical services, the largest healthcare fraud operation in history.  The old record was whatever you paid in health insurance premiums last year.

The doctor’s justification for the entire scam was explaining how expensive greens’ fees have gotten.

The scam was based on billing Medicare for services for thousands of elderly, poor, and homeless people who never really received services, needed or not.  Or as that’s usually called, Medicare.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2012/02/angelina-jolies-right-leg-goes-viral/1?csp=hf#.T01Awoc192A

After Angelina Jolie prominently displayed her right leg through the slit in her dress while presenting at the Oscars on Sunday, the image of her striking the pose has gone viral.  Even her ex-husband Billy Bob Thornton, whose blood she used to wear in a tiny vial around hr neck said, “Yeah, she’s gotten weird.”.

The pose has been named “Jolie-ing,” a la ‘planking’ or ‘Tebowing’, and it’s definition is “standing in a pose that makes Jennifer Aniston feel inferior.”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/theoval/post/2012/02/obama-pledges--to-buy-a-chevy-volt/1#.T01A-oc192A

President Obama has pledged to buy a Chevy Volt.  Didn’t he already bail General Motors out once?

He says he is going to buy a Volt.  So, that’s his plan to lower gas prices.

Chevrolet is worried, because since the president promised to buy a Volt, that means he’ll change his mind and not do it.

The president said he would buy the Volt in 5 years, when he isn’t president anymore.  It’s a dark prediction for the economy when the president is already forecasting that he’ll need to buy a 5-year-old car after leaving office.

For having a “5 Year Plan,” Republicans immediately labeled Obama a Stalinist Commie.

“Rick’s Retreat”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/story/2012-01-19/perry-republican-race/52677368/1

Rick Perry ended his presidential campaign Thursday, just 2 days shy of the South Carolina primary.  Apparently, he thought that was the last one.

Perry is looking forward to going back to Texas to tend to the matters of his office as governor. Especially, picking up syringes to personally vaccinate all Texas teen girls.

Perry quickly gave his endorsement to Newt Gingrich, pointing out that even while he was running, he planned to vote for Gingrich.

Perry said Gingrich wouldn’t be afraid to tell Washington interests to take a hike.  He’s right.  A pay hike.

Gingrich said he was humbled by Perry’s endorsement.  That marks the first time Gingrich’s name has

ever appeared in the same sentence as the word ‘humble.’

Perry decided on Gingrich because, with all his womanizing, he seems the least likely to be gay.

As the governor of Texas, Perry’s one regret is that you can’t kill a campaign by lethal injection or electric chair.

“Big Baby”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/parenting-family/babies/story/2011/07/Texas-mom-delivers-16-pound-newborn/49284628/1

A Texas woman gave birth to her fourth child Friday, a baby boy, who weighed 16lbs., 1 oz.  or as they call that in Texas, “average.”

The boy’s name is JaMichael, but all the other babies just call him “sir.”

Hospital staff was not surprised at how heavy the baby is.  All he does is just lie there.

Since newborn babies can’t really ‘diet,’ doctors recommend that he just start smoking to lose weight.

The mother is dressing him in all- black diapers because they are slimming.

In the upcoming superhero movie The Avengers, The baby will be replacing Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk.

“Flag Hags”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2011-05-09-confederate-license-plates-civil-war_n.htm

The Sons of Confederate Veterans is fighting to add Confederate flag emblems to license plates in Florida, Kentucky, and Texas.  They go after license plates because reciting a short series of numbers and letters is as close as they get to literacy.

A group’s director says they are trying to promote positive images of Confederate history by divesting themselves of negative associations… which would be easier if they’d stop trying to put the Confederate flag on every car.

“Texas Speed”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/driveon/post/2011/04/texas-considers-highest-speed-limit-in-nation/1

The Texas Legislature is considering raising the speed limit of some rural highways to 85 miles per hour.  This is good news for many travelers not from Texas – who would want to get out of rural Texas as fast as humanly possible.

This speed limit would be enforced for all cars and trucks, as well as Kenyan athletes on foot.

In the Lone Star State, the faster better.  Texas is home to a large oil industry, so they would prefer that everyone had to fill their gas tanks every hour.

"The BB King"

In Texas, a man fired a BB at a Taco Bell drive-though because he was upset about the price increase of a burrito. But that's nothing compared to what shot out of him after eating the burrito.

Another upset customer shocked all of Texas when he expressed his unhappiness using only words.

From Today's News: Monday, Aug. 13, 2007

White House Deputy Chief of Staff, Karl Rove announced today that he is stepping down at the end of this month. President Bush has not yet decided on a replacement, but when he does, out of habit, Rove will leak the name.

The reason Rove gave for resigning was so that he can spend more time with his family. But we all know the real reason. It’s so he can spend more time visiting Scooter Libby in prison.

Rove’s future plans include writing a book and then practicing evil in the private sector.



Hillary Clinton has unveiled her first TV commercial in her bid for president. In it she says that most Americans, even the ones serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, are invisible to President Bush. Bush’s response was swift. He said, “I didn’t even know we had that technology yet.”



Astronauts from the space shuttle Endeavour replaced equipment and made repairs to the International Space Station today. As is typical in these scenarios, Endeavour had said on the phone that they would arrive between 9 and 4, forcing the crew members-in residence at the space station to wait around the house for them all day.



Saudi Arabia now has had its first music video made there. Music is generally banned in public places by the government, as it is thought to be un-Islamic. This video, however, was approved because of it’s message: only listen to government approved music.

Some of the images in the video are controversial, like an engaged man flirting with another woman, and neglecting his prayers. It was all only acting, though, of course, so, only the woman had to be punished.

The song is called “You Only Have God to Count On,” and since its debut, it has already shot to Number 1 on the Saudi charts. It beat out last week’s number one: no music at all.

There actually are other music videos from other countries seen in Saudi Arabia over satellite TV. Many of the popular recording artists and video directors from other nations have been multiple nominees for the Saudi “Lengthy prison sentence” awards.

...Most of them have declined to show up to accept their awards.



In Cairo, Egypt, a man at the airport was stopped from boarding a plane to Saudi Arabia with a carry-on bag containing a live cobra and other snakes, lizards, and baby crocodiles. And somewhere, Samuel L. Jackson felt a great disturbance in The Force.

Authorities confiscated the animals, but still let the passenger board. It is still unknown if the reptiles were intended to be used for food or for sex.



Athens, Texas is hosting the “Texas Redneck Games,” with over 5 thousand spectators in attendance for contests like the Mattress Chuck and the Butt Crack contest. No joke—those are the real events. There are no medals given, but the winner gets to marry his sister.