President
Obama’s re-election campaign is spending money faster than he has so far been
able to raise it. Sources say he’s doing
it on purpose, since he’s gotten used to deficit spending.
Showing posts with label President. Show all posts
Showing posts with label President. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
"Matri-moany"
A
new book about President Obama claims that after his failed 2000 bid for Congress,
the strain almost caused Barack and Michelle to get a divorce, which the First
Couple say is not true. Discussion of
divorce is irrelevant though, say a group of Birthers, who claim the Obamas can’t
prove that they were even married in America.
In
a related story, Newt Gingrich always considered any political career struggle
as an unofficial annulment of whatever marriage he happened to be in at the
time.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
“Barack on Bullying”
President Obama spoke in a White House conference on bullying Thursday, saying that threats and intimidation are not things that we have to accept. To prove his point, Obama then refused to give
Obama then sent
Of course, Obama taking an anti-bullying stand is easy. Especially when Secret Service is right there, 24/7 to protect him from bullies.
Right after his speech, however, Republicans began picking on Obama’s politics, his funny-sounding name, and his big ears.
When Obama said that no one has the right to intimidate another or impose their will on them to get their way, conservatives immediately criticized the statement as an attack on marriage.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
"The Donald, the Candidate?"
http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2011/02/donald-trump-obama-cpac-/1
Donald Trump spoke at the Conservative Political Action Conference, telling the crowd he is seriously considering a run for president in 2012. His plan to improve the economy and lower unemployment is simple: turn
Trump has the perfect election strategy. He’ll get all the rich people on his side, and then win over poor, single mothers with running mate Bret Michaels.
Vice President Joe Biden called and asked Trump, "If you win in 2012, can I be your Apprentice?"
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
“A Dick Says What?”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney said on The Today Show Tuesday that he thinks Barak Obama will be a one-term president. Cheney added, “Obama won’t be running this country for 8 years, like I did. – I mean, like Georgie did.”
When asked about the current uproar over gun laws since the recent
Thursday, November 18, 2010
“Engaging Talks”
http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2010/11/sarah-palin-president-2012-/1
Sarah Palin told a reporter that she is “engaged” in conversations with her family about whether or not she should run for president in 2012. Still, that doesn’t mean anything; Bristol Palin’s been engaged twice.
Monday, March 16, 2009
“Commander-In-Studio”
The White House has announced that President Obama will make an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Thursday. There was no intention to snub David Letterman, but Leno is still buying brand new American-made cars every day.
In fact, he’s the only one buying any.
Jay better watch it, though. If any of his jokes bomb, Secret Service will take him out.
Many people think that Obama may feel the need to step it up since a new NBC series introduced the idea of the U.S. having a king.
This is the first time a sitting U.S. president will be getting couch-time on a late night talk show. Not that The Tonight Show hasn’t tried before. They always thought a "Jay Walking" segment asking President Bush common knowledge questions would have been hilarious.
In a related story, it could be said that for eight years, Letterman could have shown clips of Bush for any “Stupid Human Tricks” segment.
In fact, he’s the only one buying any.
Jay better watch it, though. If any of his jokes bomb, Secret Service will take him out.
Many people think that Obama may feel the need to step it up since a new NBC series introduced the idea of the U.S. having a king.
This is the first time a sitting U.S. president will be getting couch-time on a late night talk show. Not that The Tonight Show hasn’t tried before. They always thought a "Jay Walking" segment asking President Bush common knowledge questions would have been hilarious.
In a related story, it could be said that for eight years, Letterman could have shown clips of Bush for any “Stupid Human Tricks” segment.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
From Today's News: Thursday, Aug.16, 2007
Jenna Bush, daughter of the president, has gotten engaged. The White House released a 3-sentence announcement to that effect today. That doesn’t seem right. Marriage isn’t a 3-sentence thing. It’s more of a life sentence.
So young Jenna is engaged. That’s one more Bush off the market.
Word spread quickly that the president and First Lady are very happy for the betrothed. In fact, the president can’t wait for the wedding, because confetti is bad for the environment.
Her fiancé is Henry Hager, whose family has ties to the Bushes and other high ranking Republicans. So the engagement is a bit of a surprise to some. I mean, why buy the cow when you can get the government contracts for free?
Rumor has it that Jenna has been wanting to get married since November 2004, but Henry kept chanting, “Four more years! Four more years.”
Regarding the space shuttle Endeavour, the good news is that based on careful testing by the crew, the gouge torn into the heat shield of the shuttle will not need to be repaired until it returns to Earth. The bad news is, we still have to pay for the service call, anyway.
Paris Hilton debuted her new clothing line of jeans, t-shirts, and shoes at a trendy L.A. boutique today, with a throng of fans on site. So if you ever wanted to get into Paris’ jeans, now – oh, who hasn’t?
Paris doesn’t seem that confident about how the jeans will sell. Sources already say, depending on her cash flow, she probably would be willing to drop her pants.
A couple in China wants to name their new baby “@,” as in, the sign used in email addresses. Apparently, the sound, “at” approximates a Mandarin word, meaning “love him.” So, if they love him, why not give him a real name?
The proud parents hope the Chinese government allows the name, and can’t wait to introduce the baby to big brothers “&” (ampersand) and “…” (ellipse).
This story may be made fun of on TV and radio, but not in the newspaper comics, where, as we all know, the “@” sign is a hideous curse word that dare not be uttered.
So young Jenna is engaged. That’s one more Bush off the market.
Word spread quickly that the president and First Lady are very happy for the betrothed. In fact, the president can’t wait for the wedding, because confetti is bad for the environment.
Her fiancé is Henry Hager, whose family has ties to the Bushes and other high ranking Republicans. So the engagement is a bit of a surprise to some. I mean, why buy the cow when you can get the government contracts for free?
Rumor has it that Jenna has been wanting to get married since November 2004, but Henry kept chanting, “Four more years! Four more years.”
Regarding the space shuttle Endeavour, the good news is that based on careful testing by the crew, the gouge torn into the heat shield of the shuttle will not need to be repaired until it returns to Earth. The bad news is, we still have to pay for the service call, anyway.
Paris Hilton debuted her new clothing line of jeans, t-shirts, and shoes at a trendy L.A. boutique today, with a throng of fans on site. So if you ever wanted to get into Paris’ jeans, now – oh, who hasn’t?
Paris doesn’t seem that confident about how the jeans will sell. Sources already say, depending on her cash flow, she probably would be willing to drop her pants.
A couple in China wants to name their new baby “@,” as in, the sign used in email addresses. Apparently, the sound, “at” approximates a Mandarin word, meaning “love him.” So, if they love him, why not give him a real name?
The proud parents hope the Chinese government allows the name, and can’t wait to introduce the baby to big brothers “&” (ampersand) and “…” (ellipse).
This story may be made fun of on TV and radio, but not in the newspaper comics, where, as we all know, the “@” sign is a hideous curse word that dare not be uttered.
Monday, August 13, 2007
From Today's News: Monday, Aug. 13, 2007
White House Deputy Chief of Staff, Karl Rove announced today that he is stepping down at the end of this month. President Bush has not yet decided on a replacement, but when he does, out of habit, Rove will leak the name.
The reason Rove gave for resigning was so that he can spend more time with his family. But we all know the real reason. It’s so he can spend more time visiting Scooter Libby in prison.
Rove’s future plans include writing a book and then practicing evil in the private sector.
Hillary Clinton has unveiled her first TV commercial in her bid for president. In it she says that most Americans, even the ones serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, are invisible to President Bush. Bush’s response was swift. He said, “I didn’t even know we had that technology yet.”
Astronauts from the space shuttle Endeavour replaced equipment and made repairs to the International Space Station today. As is typical in these scenarios, Endeavour had said on the phone that they would arrive between 9 and 4, forcing the crew members-in residence at the space station to wait around the house for them all day.
Saudi Arabia now has had its first music video made there. Music is generally banned in public places by the government, as it is thought to be un-Islamic. This video, however, was approved because of it’s message: only listen to government approved music.
Some of the images in the video are controversial, like an engaged man flirting with another woman, and neglecting his prayers. It was all only acting, though, of course, so, only the woman had to be punished.
The song is called “You Only Have God to Count On,” and since its debut, it has already shot to Number 1 on the Saudi charts. It beat out last week’s number one: no music at all.
There actually are other music videos from other countries seen in Saudi Arabia over satellite TV. Many of the popular recording artists and video directors from other nations have been multiple nominees for the Saudi “Lengthy prison sentence” awards.
...Most of them have declined to show up to accept their awards.
In Cairo, Egypt, a man at the airport was stopped from boarding a plane to Saudi Arabia with a carry-on bag containing a live cobra and other snakes, lizards, and baby crocodiles. And somewhere, Samuel L. Jackson felt a great disturbance in The Force.
Authorities confiscated the animals, but still let the passenger board. It is still unknown if the reptiles were intended to be used for food or for sex.
Athens, Texas is hosting the “Texas Redneck Games,” with over 5 thousand spectators in attendance for contests like the Mattress Chuck and the Butt Crack contest. No joke—those are the real events. There are no medals given, but the winner gets to marry his sister.
The reason Rove gave for resigning was so that he can spend more time with his family. But we all know the real reason. It’s so he can spend more time visiting Scooter Libby in prison.
Rove’s future plans include writing a book and then practicing evil in the private sector.
Hillary Clinton has unveiled her first TV commercial in her bid for president. In it she says that most Americans, even the ones serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, are invisible to President Bush. Bush’s response was swift. He said, “I didn’t even know we had that technology yet.”
Astronauts from the space shuttle Endeavour replaced equipment and made repairs to the International Space Station today. As is typical in these scenarios, Endeavour had said on the phone that they would arrive between 9 and 4, forcing the crew members-in residence at the space station to wait around the house for them all day.
Saudi Arabia now has had its first music video made there. Music is generally banned in public places by the government, as it is thought to be un-Islamic. This video, however, was approved because of it’s message: only listen to government approved music.
Some of the images in the video are controversial, like an engaged man flirting with another woman, and neglecting his prayers. It was all only acting, though, of course, so, only the woman had to be punished.
The song is called “You Only Have God to Count On,” and since its debut, it has already shot to Number 1 on the Saudi charts. It beat out last week’s number one: no music at all.
There actually are other music videos from other countries seen in Saudi Arabia over satellite TV. Many of the popular recording artists and video directors from other nations have been multiple nominees for the Saudi “Lengthy prison sentence” awards.
...Most of them have declined to show up to accept their awards.
In Cairo, Egypt, a man at the airport was stopped from boarding a plane to Saudi Arabia with a carry-on bag containing a live cobra and other snakes, lizards, and baby crocodiles. And somewhere, Samuel L. Jackson felt a great disturbance in The Force.
Authorities confiscated the animals, but still let the passenger board. It is still unknown if the reptiles were intended to be used for food or for sex.
Athens, Texas is hosting the “Texas Redneck Games,” with over 5 thousand spectators in attendance for contests like the Mattress Chuck and the Butt Crack contest. No joke—those are the real events. There are no medals given, but the winner gets to marry his sister.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
From Today's News: Thursday, Aug. 9, 2007
The Bush administration said today that they have a new plan to fight Afghanistan’s poppy farming, which contributes to much of the world’s illegal drug trade. This will be a blow for poppy production profiteers like the Taliban insurgency, and, of course, the Wicked Witch of the West.
The new strategy has already been embraced by the poppy grower’s arch rival, the sesame seed industry.
One of the main strategies is to get farmers to grow alternative crops, that can’t be made into dangerous drugs like heroin. Crops like… cannabis.
An amateur paleontologist has discovered a dinosaur mass grave site in the small town of Frick, Switzerland. So far, there is no evidence to cause suspicion that the paleontologist had a hand in the dinosaur’s deaths.
The man was scouting a construction site to build a house and discovered Plateosaurus bones. The upside for him is the discovery increases his credibility and respect as a paleontologist. The downside: being haunted by dinosaur ghosts.
The discovery is great news for the village of Frick. In fact, the village is celebrating by changing their town slogan from “What the Frick!” to “Fan-Frick-en-tastic!”
At today’s news conference, President Bush said he was against a 5-cent gasoline tax hike to pay for necessary bridge repairs in Minneapolis and elsewhere. Of course he doesn’t want to the cost of gas to go up now! He’s about to go on a month’s vacation: from Washington, D.C. up to Kennebunkport, ME, to Crawford TX. That’s a lot of miles!
A man was ticketed for posting an “Impeach Bush” sign in a public garden. Hey, if talking negatively about the president is going to get you in trouble with the law, then I am really in for it.
Besides, considering his environmental policies, I think that Bush would approve of anything that disrupts a garden.
The ticket he received was a citation for “advertising on public property.” How is this advertising? What is he selling? Clearly the cop was implying that Bush is for sale, and that ought to earn him a ticket!
The new strategy has already been embraced by the poppy grower’s arch rival, the sesame seed industry.
One of the main strategies is to get farmers to grow alternative crops, that can’t be made into dangerous drugs like heroin. Crops like… cannabis.
An amateur paleontologist has discovered a dinosaur mass grave site in the small town of Frick, Switzerland. So far, there is no evidence to cause suspicion that the paleontologist had a hand in the dinosaur’s deaths.
The man was scouting a construction site to build a house and discovered Plateosaurus bones. The upside for him is the discovery increases his credibility and respect as a paleontologist. The downside: being haunted by dinosaur ghosts.
The discovery is great news for the village of Frick. In fact, the village is celebrating by changing their town slogan from “What the Frick!” to “Fan-Frick-en-tastic!”
At today’s news conference, President Bush said he was against a 5-cent gasoline tax hike to pay for necessary bridge repairs in Minneapolis and elsewhere. Of course he doesn’t want to the cost of gas to go up now! He’s about to go on a month’s vacation: from Washington, D.C. up to Kennebunkport, ME, to Crawford TX. That’s a lot of miles!
A man was ticketed for posting an “Impeach Bush” sign in a public garden. Hey, if talking negatively about the president is going to get you in trouble with the law, then I am really in for it.
Besides, considering his environmental policies, I think that Bush would approve of anything that disrupts a garden.
The ticket he received was a citation for “advertising on public property.” How is this advertising? What is he selling? Clearly the cop was implying that Bush is for sale, and that ought to earn him a ticket!
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