“Oldest Title Passed On”

The world’s oldest person, a 115-year-woman originally from Georgia, passed away this week. Naturally, police suspect foul play.

She had been living here in Los Angeles, or as she called it, “the cougar den.”

She either had a heart attack or OD’ed on Geritol.

Doctors haven’t yet confirmed the cause of death, but have ruled out a motorcycle jump over a shark tank.

The title of oldest person now goes to a 114 year old woman living in Japan. Her hobbies include blinking and occasionally making sense.