Friday, October 2, 2009

“The Late Show Latest”

Jokes 10.02.09


“The Late Show Latest”

David Letterman announced on his show that he had been the victim of an alleged blackmail scheme for sleeping with members of his staff. Paul Schaffer was quick to point out that it was entirely consensual.

It’s ironic that only a couple weeks after NBC put Jay Leno on at 10pm, all of CBS’s drama moved to 11:30.

The women he slept with who worked for his production company had kept it quiet until now, but it was Dave who just couldn’t keep it in his Worldwide Pants.

Amazingly, no evidence of the scandal had ever leaked out of Letterman’s Worldwide Pants.

Jimmy Kimmel almost had a similar scandal recently, but was able to avoid it when nobody wanted to sleep with him.

Letterman hinted that the sexual relationships had gotten pretty wild when he referred to them as “stupid pet tricks.”

Initially, Letterman just wanted to make sure that his sex partners gave him higher ratings than they gave Conan.

Letterman joked through his description of the real-life ordeal, leaving the audience unsure of whether or not the whole thing was made up. That is, until he read his list of “Top Ten Chicks I’ve Banged on this Show.”

Letterman has always looked confident onstage, even if a segment wasn’t getting big laughs. Now we know why: he always had another piece on the side.

Sarah Palin plans to call for Letterman to quit his job, or as she calls it, “Going Rogue.”

The alleged blackmailer is Emmy winning CBS News producer Robert Halderman, was has been suspended by the network and arrested following a sting operation with police. It’s possible that all this backstabbing, scandal, and intrigue is just part of CBS new season of “Survivor: The Ed Sullivan Theatre.”

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