"Chipmunk Cheeky"

http://specials.msn.com/a-list/news/chicago-man-naked-chipmunks-movie-psp

A Chicago man was arrested after stripping naked at a movie theatre showing  Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.  Even creepier, the man referred to his genitals as “Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.”

“Chicago’s OWN”

 Chicago’s Mayor Daley has renamed a local street "Oprah Winfrey Way."  The street was designed to handle especially heavy loads.

The street will soon take over all of the other streets in the entire city.

Despite the street’s obvious swerves and turns, Oprah insists that it is completely straight.

At Oprah’s insistence, the first person to go down on it was Gayle King.

“Dropping the Bomb”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/11/al-qaeda-cell-in-yemen-says-it-sent-us-bound-bombs/1

A Yemen-based Al-Qaida cell is now taking credit for the 2 parcels bombs intercepted before reaching Chicago synagogues last week. Last week. Apparently, even their claim of responsibility was sent by snail mail.

Even though the bombs didn’t go off, they still took responsibility. Apparently someone is hoping to get promoted just for taking a little initiative.

It’s hard to know if they are telling the truth. Since the bombs failed to detonate, they have asked that their postage be returned.

They wanted to take credit right away, but they were afraid the whole thing would blow up in their faces.

A warning: these are bad terrorists. I mean, both bombs were intercepted, and both were disarmed. These guys are just bad terrorists. They even suck at being evil.

Stuff in the News today...

Preorders for her pending book have already made Sarah Palin a bestselling author, weeks before the book’s scheduled November 17 release. As soon as the book arrives, Palin’s diehard fans will begin reading it, but then quit halfway through.



On Tuesday, Toyota issued a recall of 3.8 million cars driver side floor mats, which had caused the accelerator pedal to get stuck down, causing multiple crashes. It’s a shame, because just as the auto industry was turning around, they literally had the rug pulled from under them.



President Obama is in Denmark campaigning for Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics. His strongest argument: Chicago could certainly use the exercise.



Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte lifted off toward the International Space Station today, wearing a clown nose to make an important statement: Anyone following a clown into space should know that they have really, really big shoes to fill.