Wednesday, August 8, 2007

From Today's News: Aug. 8, 2007

Barry Bonds hit his record-breaking 756th home run last night in San Francisco. Now he’s going to Disneyland. Not to celebrate at the park. To get the ball he hit – it landed in Anaheim.

Breaking Hank Aaron’s record is bound to make Bonds popularity shoot up.

You know, love him or hate him, you have to admit, with all the allegations of steroid use, Bonds has really taken a lot of needling.



The Department of Homeland Security is developing a new non-lethal, hand-held weapon. It emits a powerful strobe light, using intense, varied light pulses and colors which can temporarily blind a suspect and cause dizziness, vertigo and nausea. So far, the only side effect has been disco dancing.

Of course, officials would have to be very careful to make sure that the flashlight shaped weapon was not mishandled or abused, say, to make shadow puppets.

Most training for using these light weapons will be limited to just using the Force.



Pope Benedict XVI met this week with Rev. Tadeusz Rydzyk, a controversial, Polish priest who has been accused of making anti-Semitic remarks. Tolerance groups are bothered by the pope meeting with him. Another tolerance group responded, saying, “This isn’t because the guy’s Polish, is it?”

The Vatican has made no official statement , but an inside source says there shouldn’t be much controversy, because the pope isn’t Jewish.

…Or is he? He does like to wear a yarmulke.



A New Zealand couple is giving their baby the name Superman, but only because the government won’t let them legally name him 4Real. It is unknown at this time if either parent is an android or from the planet Krypton.

The parents say they will call the boy 4Real even if the government won’t acknowledge that as his name. Their resolve was universally applauded by school bullies who can hardly wait.

Whether they call him Superman or 4Real, the important thing is that he has two parents who obviously were never allowed to have a pet when they were kids.

New Zealand’s Department of Internal Affairs, which operates the name registry, may just decide that there is a precedent that the baby Superman is better off in the foster care of Jonathan and Martha Kent of Smallville, Kansas.

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