“Deal or No Deal”

Conan O’brien and NBC have reached a deal allowing Conan to exit his contract with the network and seek other opportunities in TV as soon as September. NBC’s conditions included having Conan leave behind some trademark bits and agree not to badmouth NBC. Specifics include:

• Conan has to shave his head because NBC considers his red hair their intellectual property.
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  Conan is prohibited from saying anything bad about peacocks and all other birds with colorful plumage.
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  If Andy Richter wants to be on The Biggest Loser, he has to audition like everyone else.
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  La Bamba will be cast on Heroes as a guy who, by singing in falsetto, can see into the year 3000.
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  If Leno’s ratings slip, NBC reserves the right to give Conan an 11:35pm booty call.
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  NBC has made it clear that they are holding Jimmy Fallon at 12:35… and if Conan violates any part of the exit deal, Fallon will be killed.
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  NBC cannot force Conan, or anyone else, for that matter to watch current shows on NBC.
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  Any personal bondage-wear Max Weinberg leaves behind becomes the property of NBC.
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  Conan maintains the right to sell a new show concept to Fox, So You think You Can String-Dance.
  
  If Conan wants to go on any other Universal Studios roller coaster rides, all he has to do is sign a new TV contract with NBC.
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  Jay Leno and Conan will split the money from NBC’s retroactive experiment of replacing prime time comedy with a late night soap opera.
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  NBC can change its late night line-up to now include Last Call with The Masturbating Bear at 1:35am.