Columbia University researchers say that obesity now poses an equal threat to quality of life as smoking. Smokers thinking about quitting but afraid of weight-gain now have a rock-solid defense.
A group of obese smokers intended to dispute the study’s findings, but they died.
Upon hearing the news, hundreds of fat people got so stressed out that they took up smoking.
Skeptics had no comment because their mouths were too full to speak.
This frightening revelation is causing most Americans to act… interested.
This makes the smoking section in a fast food restaurant more dangerous than Al-Qaeda.
The sharp increase in obesity over the last 15 years is actually causing average American life-expectancy to drop for the first time in decades. In reaction to this disturbing fact, almost half of America binged on donuts and ice cream.
On the plus side, our public schools can finally say that compared to their international peers, American students are more well-rounded.
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