“Salt Shakers” or “Bland Ambition”

In New York City, officials are meeting with food industry reps to limit salt in restaurant meals and condiments. The Big Apple has already banned artificial trans-fats and mandated calorie listings in chain restaurants. City officials are already planning their next policy: when you walk into a fast food restaurant, they call and tell your mother.

Police are already training for future undercover operations to bust up illegal salt rings.

New York may even sanction the oceans.

The city government is trying to help residents arm themselves against health problems such as high blood pressure and obesity. That way, New Yorkers only have to worry about dying from being mugged and murdered in the street.

Or as that’s known in New York, “natural causes.”