“Swined Up”

The World Health Organization wants to rename the swine flu, saying the name misleads people into thinking it is contracted through eating pork. Also, people with the flu are not turning into pigs.

Here are some of the new possible names for swine flu:
Swizzle Flizzle (from Snoop Dogg)

Mexico Flu,
International Flu,
Insurgent Flu,
Biden Back-paddle Flu,

Hope Flu,
Change Flu,
Yes We Can Flu,
Economic Stimulus Flu,

Stay Home for TV Season Finale Week Flu,
and Craigslist Flu.

Other suggestions include As-Seen-On TV Influenza; Contamination Station; The Outrageous Contagious; Sean “Swine Flu” Combs (name to be changed later); The Hospital and Healthcare Industry Bailout; Remember When Bill Gates Released Those Mosquitos in a Crowded Auditorium Flu; Human-to-Human Transmutable Infectious Swine Disease; and finally, the flu.

The WHO and the Obama administration want to spread the word that you cannot get the swine flu from handling or eating pork products. However, the world’s rabbis want to remind Jews that it’s still not kosher.

Jewish people eating pork should wear surgical masks in public to hide their shame.

Yesterday Egypt issued an order to slaughter all pigs in the country, apparently misunderstanding how the illness is passed. Initially, farmers didn’t even take the statement seriously, as “kill all the pigs” is a common, anti-American extremist chant.

Over 350,000 animals were destroyed. In compensation today, the Agricultural Minister issued a statement saying, “My bad.”