Astronomers have discovered a big hole in the universe, and have no explanation so far for how or why it came to be there. Then they remembered that one day the universe got snagged on the corner of that file cabinet, and the hole probably just grew from there.

The massive void is 1 billion light years across, containing no stars, black holes, not even dark matter. Just nothing. For the sake of measuring the nothingness, scholars are comparing it to our Iraq War exit strategy.

The scientific community, awed by the sheer lack of substance of the hole, plan to use this phenomenon to learn more about the inside of Paris Hilton’s head.



Two towns in Louisiana have passed a ban on wearing pants that sag to show a persons underwear or bare skin. At last we will see an end to the crime wave caused by refrigerator repairmen.

Violation of the law could result in a fine and community service. Further, any adult male wearing tighty whities will be shot on sight.

The law does send a powerful message to today’s youth. Just say no to crack.

Opposition says they will fight the new law and not give up. At least for now, there is no end in sight.

Critics fear the first case brought to court, where the prosecutor tells jurors that they have to check out Exhibit A.

Of course, special permits will be issued to superheroes who wear their underwear on the outside.