Tuesday, May 31, 2011

“Whine Glasses”

A new study suggests that migraines may be prevented or reduced using precision-tinted glasses that block certain light patterns.  The idea came from a guy who got a headache when he stared at the sun.

The glasses were invented by a fan of the Rowdy Roddy Piper movie, “They Live.”

So glasses of this type may soon be seen everywhere.  That’s the good news.  The bad news is, Bono is going to have to get a new gimmick.

If wearing special glasses prevents patients from getting migraines, the only side effect will be that everyone will assume those patients to be nerds.

The study was validated by the fact that Elton John never gets migraines.

“Of Mice and Men”

A study linking chronic fatigue syndrome to a mouse virus has been debunked by new research.  The new study says you can’t just say it’s a mouse virus just because your patients suddenly like cheese.

The original study was published in 2009, but it took a long time to disprove the results because the test subjects were being chased by cats.

Despite the disproval of the link between chronic fatigue and the mouse virus, all sick mice are still encouraged to get some rest.

The new results come from analysis of patients’ urine.  That urine was extracted from the wood chips at the bottom of their cage.

People suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome have been looking for treatments, but have grown tired of it.

There is still a theory, however, that mice suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome may have a human virus.

The original research came under fire after several chronic fatigue patients were seen taking cat naps.

“Second Rate Star in Second Place”

Last week, Kirstie Alley finished second to Hines Ward on "Dancing with The Stars".  As always, she celebrated her runner-up status with Duncan Hines.

“Clever Fox”

The Fox News program "Red Eye" has accused Jay Leno of stealing a joke from them.  So Leno is finally almost as funny as Fox News.

You almost can’t blame Jay.  I mean, Fox News is freakin’ hilarious.

Leno’s topper to the joke was to then report a news with an obvious right-leaning political spin.

“Worlds’ Series”

George Lucas denies that he's shot 50 episodes of a "Star Wars" TV series.  Said the animated show Star Wars: Clone Wars:  "Hey! I can hear you.  I'm standing right here."

Oddly, however, he does claim that he had always envisioned the original "Star Wars" to be followed 35 years later by 50 television episodes that were part of the same story.

Friday, May 27, 2011

“Camp Lohan”

Lindsay Lohan turned herself in to jail and then went home to befin serving house arrest Thursday morning, for pleading no contest to stealing a $2500 necklace.  Lindsay has started to just refer to house arrest as “summer vacation.”

Lindsay wants to still be able to pursue her interests and hobbies while confined to her home, so she plans to regularly burglarize her own house.

"Alaska or Bus"

Sarah Palin is launching a bus tour amid speculation that she may run for president.  The tour may prove that Palin really is qualified for the job that may be her ultimate goal: bus driver.

Obviously, it's a short bus tour.

"Making Money"

An ATM technician has been arrested for allegedly replacing $200,000 in cash with counterfeit $20 bills.  He’s being held on $25,000 bail money.  He says he’d be glad to pay the bail – if they let him use cash.

He might be able to make bail.  Literally make it.

Some of the counterfeit money he put in the ATMs were just photocopies.  I don’t know which is harder: facing jail time, or trying to get a refund from Kinko’s.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

“Kim & Kris”

Kim Kardashian got engaged to boyfriend of 6 months, Kris Humphries.  Most people recognize Humphries from the New Jersey Nets.  Most people recognize Kim from the fishnets.

The couple has a real shot at lasting happiness, especially since Kris meets the most important criteria: he spells his first name with a “K.”

Kin says she was shocked that her boyfriend proposed.  Fans were shocked that she had a white boyfriend.

Buckingham Phallus"

While at Buckingham Palace, President and Mrs. Obama are staying in the same suite where Prince William and Kate Middleton stayed on their wedding night.  Since being told that, all the Obamas can picture is two British people having quick, silent, awkward sex on their bed.

Still, that’s much better than being forced to stay in place that was the honeymoon suite for Price Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles.  Ew.

“In the Pink”

The USDA has modified its guidelines regarding cooking pork to an internal temperature of 145 degrees, so pink-in-the-middle is now considered safe.  Since it’s cheaper than cooking, fast food chains are rushing to buy pink food coloring.

The pork industry has mixed feelings, since they now have to scramble to change their slogan, “The other white meat.”

Because pork can now be pink, the U.S. might finally legalize Canadian bacon.

“Electric Powerless”

A USA Today/Gallup poll says that 6 out of 10 Americans say they won’t buy an electric car no matter how high gas prices go.  Economics experts say that’s not smart, especially since they admitted it right in front of Big Oil.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"Red Wing"

A new display in Russia’s State History Museum in Moscow offers letters that seem to prove that Bolshevik leader and founder Communist Party founder Vladimir Lenin was really Jewish.  This is a surprise to America’s younger generation, who only know Lenin as “one of the Beatles.” 

“Sexual Healing?”

Researchers at Rutgers University have taken the first ever images of the brain of someone who's masturbating.  Now they are seeking a subject for the next step in their research: taking images of the brain of a woman giving a bl**job.

Kutcher's Catch Can

The Wall Street Journal reports that Aston Kutcher's contract for Two and a half men is only for one year.  So it will still outlive Charlie Sheen.

“Tusk, Tusk” or “Jumbo Dung-o”

In the Czech Republic, the Prague Zoo has begun selling buckets of elephant dung to gardeners who want to use it as fertilizer.  Even if you’re happy with your purchase, compared to any other souvenir it looks like a piece of sh*t.

They are selling it by the kilogram.  So far, sales have been heavy.

If you ask the zoo director “How’s business?”  He’ll answer, “It stinks.”

The Accounting Department is thrilled with the idea.  The Sales Department is thrilled with the idea.  Not so thrilled: The Collections Department.

The Associated Press got the story first.  They said to the zookeeper, “Just give us the straight poop.”

Monday, May 23, 2011

“Into the Tiger’s Den” or "Tiger Beat"

British police shut down a highway, evacuated a golf course, and armed with tranquilizer guns, were helicoptered to a field where an adult tiger was reported to have been found, which turned out to by an oversized stuffed toy.  The police have since apprehended a boy named Christopher Robin for questioning.

The boy insists his stuffed bear planned the whole hoax with the tiger as a honey-making scheme.

The police were prepared for multiple scenarios going in.  For example, had the tiger been real, and had the tranquilizers not worked, the police were prepared to wish they carried real guns.

More upset than the police were the golfers, due to the obscure but strict rule that states that police evacuation due to a stuffed tiger means you have to take a stroke.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Is Kaczynski a Bit of a Pill? or "1982 Time Capsule"

The FBI is seeking a DNA sample from Unabomber Ted Kaczynski as part of an investigation into unsolved Tylenol poisoning cases from 1982.  Kaczynski refused the request to voluntarily provide the sample, but said he’d be willing to mail it to them.

Rather than help the FBI with the Tylenol cases, Kaczynski would rather be a headache to them.

“Throw the Book at Them” or “San Fran Ban”

San Francisco is banning the delivery of Yellow Pages unless they are requested by consumers.  The ban could hurt local businesses advertise in the books, the phone company who collects revenue from those ads, and most of all, little people who need the phone book to sit on at the table.

People who want to order a phone book can call, but good luck looking up the number.

The residential listings, or White Pages, will still be delivered to everyone.  This decision was immediately cited as racist.

The group happiest to see the phone books done away with?  Trees.

Opponents of the phone book reduction will probably quiet down as soon as they hear about the invention of the Internet.

“Win or Lose”

Lawmakers in Michigan are trying to quickly pass a bill to remove lottery winners from public assistance program eligibility.  The bill was prompted by reports that a $2 million jackpot winner is still receiving food stamps.  What’s surprising is not that the instant millionaire shopped with food stamps.  It’s that he stayed in Michigan.

The man was seen buying groceries using a food stamps debit card, or as he refers to it, ‘playing his lucky numbers.’

The lottery winner was awarded a lump sum of about $1 million out of a $2 million jackpot, the remainder being paid in taxes.  No wonder he’s using food stamps.  These days, who can get by on only a million dollars?

Fortunately, food stamps are not allowed to be used to buy lottery tickets.  If they were, it could result in a endless loop of outrage.

Said a concerned citizen, “Food stamps were not intended for lottery winners.  Food stamps are for losers.”

“What’s Gaga Brewing?”

Starbucks is teaming up with Lady Gaga for a major cross-promotional publicity campaign.  They really had no choice, since both entities are already everywhere.

Apparently, Starbucks will provide the coffee beans, which Gaga will then bump and grind.

As part of the Starbucks deal, Gaga’s music will be strong, sensual, and overpriced.

Gaga’s only complaint about Starbucks coffee was this: “When I drink too much coffee, it really makes me have to pee a lot… through my penis.”

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

“For Skin or Against” or “Genital Election”

San Francisco will have a measure on its November ballot to vote on a ban of circumcision on males under 18.  Ironically, San Franciscans over 18 have the highest national rate of penis grooming, piercing, and decoration.

Circumcision supporters organized a protest demonstration, but it was cut short.

Those who oppose circumcision for minors say they speak for those who can’t speak for themselves.  The penises.

“Action/Father Figure”

The identity of the woman with whom Arnold Schwarzenegger had a child was revealed today.  Mildred “Patty” Baena was a housekeeper and assistant in Arnold and Maria’s home for over 20 years.  Apparently, she was really good at cleaning, organizing, and keeping her trap shut.

She wouldn’t do windows, but as a trade-off, she would do Arnie.

Coincidentally, “Mildred Baena” is Spanish for “Baby Mama.”

“Spreading the Seed”

Watermelons on farms all across China have been exploding after many farmers gave them an overdose of growth chemicals.  In a related story, Chinese men are thinking twice about taking penis enlargement pills.

“Small Misunderstanding”

Starbucks is being sued after an El Paso location fired a barista because she is a dwarf.  Sad to see that another job hasn't worked out for Katie Couric.

The woman filed her lawsuit in Small Dames' Court.

The woman was really fired because she was making all of the drinks with half shots, half powder, half & half...

Starbucks said they had to let her go, since she's go off every time someone ordered a 'Tall.'

The Starbucks manager explained, “There was no discrimination here.  We had to fire her, because every day she worked, the register was short.  So that's what I told her, every day.  'You're short.  Really short… Plus, you're a midget.'”

In light of the lawsuit, Starbucks says that the woman is just blowing everything slightly out of proportion.

“Girlie Man”

Arnold Schwarzenegger revealed that his separation from wife maria Shriver was prompted by his admission that he fathered a child with a member of their household staff over a decade ago.  His affair means that in the late 1990’s, his role as Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin was only the second worst thing he did to those who loved and trusted him.

Before he became governor of California in 2004, Arnold was the top action star in Hollywood.  Today’s news is just proof that he never stopped getting action.

Though the couple announced their split last week, hiding an extra-marital affair until after his two terms in public office makes Arnold an honorary Kennedy.

Arnold doesn’t seen to be facing too much fallout from the public over his affair, making recently resigned Senator John Ensign wish he’d been a movie star before he ran for office.

There was no way that Arnold could deny that the baby was his, since it had huge muscles, an Austrian accent, couldn’t act, and caused an insurmountable state debt.

“Spanish Lesson”

A new study conducted in Spain has linked binge drinking in college to memory loss.  Said Jersey Shore’s Snooki, “Another reason why I’m never going to college.”

In the study, the non-binge-drinking group passed in all their classes, while the binge-drinking group passed out in all their classes.

In a related story, its been learned that David Hasselhoff began called himself ‘the Hoff’ because that was the only part of his name he could remember.

Monday, May 16, 2011


In the next 10 years, there are expected to be just as many sales of sex toys as smartphones.  Not to be outdone, Apple is hard at work developing its newest device, the iBrator.

A hybrid device would be perfect for people who like to Google themselves.

The idea of a sex toy/smart-phone gives a whole new meaning to the term “touch screen.”

“Old School”

This week, an 80-year-old man graduated from college.  Now he’ is going to retire, since there are no jobs anyway.

He was old for college.  His days wearing a toga weren't at Fraternity parties.  They were in Ancient Rome.

His textbook for his Ancient Cultures class was his own high school yearbook.

Tell me if this is old: the Paleontology department got a grant to study him.

You could tell he was old by college standards.  He considered his 3:00pm class Night School.

“Not So Famous”

Moammar Gadhafi stayed in a hotel with Western journalists, all of whom did not realize he was there.  They just assumed that he was the sheet and towel boy.

“Carrie Away”

Carrie Fisher has said that she has lost 30 lbs. on the Jenny Craig weight loss program.  At her former weight, she looked less like Princess Leia and more like Jabba the Hutt.

Of her appearance before she started the diet program, Darth Vadar said, “Obi-Wan was wise to hide her.”

Carrie said she loves her new body, and Han Solo said, “I know.”

Her weight had created a great disturbance in The Force, which is what Star Wars nerds call their regret over their masturbation fantasies.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

“A Dead Devil's Diary"

The Associated press reported that U.S. officials are in possession of Osama bin Laden’s hand-written, personal journal, which shows how immersed he still was in all of al-Qaeda’s activities up until his death.  Also, not surprisingly, according to the journal he had a secret crush on George W. Bush.

Journal entries included ideas for terror attacks on smaller U.S. cities, targeting trains as well as planes, and trying to maximize the number of American casualties.  Also, a lot of flowers and hearts in the margins.

Because the journal was supposed to be private, the Pakistani government is pretending they didn’t already see and read it from cover to cover.

“Flying High”

A drunk passenger aboard a Delta flight to Boston was arrested after trying to open an emergency door mid-flight Tuesday night.  The incident shows how times have changed.  In the old days, when a Boston flight had a drunk, unruly passenger, a flight attendant would just have to say, “Let’s get you back to your seat in First Class, Mr. Kennedy.”

The arrested man appeared to be intoxicated when he tried to open the emergency exit door, but he was obviously sober enough to do anything possible try to avoid any in-flight movie starring Nicolas Cage.

“Beaver Shot”

Ticket sales were very disappointing for the opening of the new Jodie Foster/ Mel Gibson movie, The Beaver.  Audiences just couldn't give a dam.

With Mel being such a controversial figure, in retrospect, Jodie Foster realizes that she should have cast… Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.

Though she has never addressed it publicly, it is still widely believed that Jodie Foster herself has always preferred the beaver.

“Navy Blue”

Under pressure from Congress, the U.S. Navy has reversed a decision that would have authorized its chaplains to perform gay marriages.  This is unfortunate, as Navy chaplains have long considered it their duty to help bring their seamen together.

Of course, chaplains who performed gay weddings would have been given the honorary rank of Rear Admiral.

Congress still supports gays in the military, saying that gay personnel make up some of out most decorated officers.

“Chicago’s OWN”

 Chicago’s Mayor Daley has renamed a local street "Oprah Winfrey Way."  The street was designed to handle especially heavy loads.

The street will soon take over all of the other streets in the entire city.

Despite the street’s obvious swerves and turns, Oprah insists that it is completely straight.

At Oprah’s insistence, the first person to go down on it was Gayle King.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

“Terminating their Marriage”

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver announced in a joint statement Monday that they were splitting up.  By releasing a prepared statement, Arnold didn’t have to grope for words.

Maria may have been California’s First Lady, but she certainly won’t be Arnold’s last.

Arnold explained, “Maria just doesn’t understand me,” to which Maria replied, “It’s that stupid accent.”

It’s possible that the direction of Schwarzenegger’s career may have put too much stress on their relationship.  After all, he has been unemployed since January.

The timing of the split is puzzling to many, especially since the Hollywood power couple hasn’t even made a reality show yet.

As Arnold stood in the doorway with his suitcases in his hands, his last words to Maria were, “I’ll be back.”

There were no accusations of infidelity, although it is well known that Arnold spent the last 7 years screwing California.

Now that the former Mr. Universe will be living alone again, for the first time in years he'll be pumping his own iron.

“Flag Hags”

The Sons of Confederate Veterans is fighting to add Confederate flag emblems to license plates in Florida, Kentucky, and Texas.  They go after license plates because reciting a short series of numbers and letters is as close as they get to literacy.

A group’s director says they are trying to promote positive images of Confederate history by divesting themselves of negative associations… which would be easier if they’d stop trying to put the Confederate flag on every car.

Monday, May 9, 2011

“Ronald McRemodeled” or “Quarter Pound of Hammers”

McDonald’s restaurants are undertaking major remodeling inside and outside to update its image and create a more upscale atmosphere.  You’ll still recognize it as a McDonald’s however, by all the fat customers and noisy kids.

To make sure the new roofs are sturdy, they will be made out of old McRib patties.

To make the restaurants feel more upscale, there will be a velvet rope dividing the dining room from the McDonaldland play area’s jungle gym.

Though the exteriors are undergoing a major re-design, including the replacement of the golden arches with a single golden half-arch, they intend to keep it familiar-looking, since many of their customers can’t read.

McDonald’s is trying to find the balance between giving customers a more upscale experience, while still having it feel like the beloved McDonald’s brand.  For example, they now brew premium quality, flavored coffees, served deep-fried.

The home of the Big Mac will have a new construction model, with nicer flooring, higher ceilings, and a thick,  extra piece of bread in the middle.

“Houston Has a Problem”

Whitney Houston has voluntarily gone into drug and alcohol rehab treatment, or as she calls it, her summer home.

Whitney hopes to get clean and then stay famous.

At least she has given up her worst and most dangerous habit: Bobby Brown.


Former Spice Girl, Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton has had a new baby boy, her second child, named Tate.  Sadly, critics have already begun attacking her, for “Baby’s having babies.”

Alicia Silverstone gave birth to a baby boy on Thursday.  She named him Bear Blu, presumably, so that her role as Batgirl will no longer be the stupidest thing she’s ever done.

Friday, May 6, 2011

“Teacher Testing” or “Virtually Unprepared”

A survey conducted for the Dept. of Homeland Security revealed that teachers lack the training needed to teach online safety and security.  Wishing to remain anonymous, the teachers refused to give their names, and only provided their social security numbers, credit card information, and back account username and password.

As a thank you for answering the survey, the teachers will receive thousands of email messages advertising get-rich-quick schemes, weight-loss plans, and penis enlargement products.

After finding out just how insidious and dangerous the technology is in the world today, most of the teachers wish that they had just taken the blue pill instead of the red one.

“Al-Qaida: Haters”

Al-Qaida has confirmed the death of Osama bin Laden – or are they just lying to protect him?

In their long, eleven-paragraph Internet statement, al-Qaida threatened new attacks on America.  That’s right; eleven paragraphs.  Apparently they are now trying to bore us to death.

As soon as al-Qaida admitted they were angry that bin Laden’s life had been cut short, all of their suicide-bombers-in-training stopped what they were doing and said, “Aha!”

Al-Qaida’s new terror threats were vague, and with one of their main financiers and leader gone, their new attacks may be things like grafitti on billboards, throwing eggs at government buildings, or streaking on college campuses. 

Their chant of “Death to America” being replaced by “You got punk’d, America!”

“British Mol-ar”

On Thursday, the Today Show interviewed an American woman who awoke from a dental procedure speaking in a British accent.  People can tell she's not British, however, because she's had a dental procedure.

There is a name for the disorder.  It's called, "Being Madonna."

“Tanning: A Dark Tale”

The New York stale legislature will be considering a bill to ban the use of tanning beds by minors.  The bill may be redundant, since minors are already legally prohibited from smoking.

To keep their businesses accessible to those under 18, tanning salons will simply change the signs outside their stores to say “Abortion Clinic.”

The World Health organization, American medical Association and American Cancer Society all support legislation to limit or ban artificial tanning devices.  In fact, the only major organization that favors the use of these machines is Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Those supporting the ban say they are trying to save people from harm, despite the fact that it may also accidentally save cast members from Jersey Shore.

“Going on the Offensive” or “Hard Taco”

The restaurant Pink Taco is facing outrage from animal activists after they painted a Donkey pink and had it on display during their Cinco De Mayo festivities.   To distance themselves from the incident, the establishment is getting rid of the lawn surrounding the property and renaming the restaurant The Shaved Taco.

“Alabama Charlie”

In preparation for a possible charity event, Charlie Sheen on Monday visited a neighborhood in Alabama to see the damage done by tornadoes.  Charlie was deeply affected by the destruction, especially the extensive loss of meth.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

“Gay Marriage Bill”

Former President Bill Clinton said in a statement released by a gay advocacy organization that he supports gay marriage.  He just doesn’t believe in marriage between straight people.

Clinton believes that two people should be able to have their commitment to one another recognized by the society and the state, even if one of them occasionally wants a little action on the side from an intern.

Obviously Bill Clinton believes in gays marrying, and it’s not just lip service.  He even married a lesbian.

“Marie Osmond in a Re-run”

Marie Osmond has remarried her first husband Stephen Craig, whom she had divorced in 1985.  Luckily he was still available, since he was currently married to only 3 other women in Utah.

The couple has a 28-year-old son, who will now be treated by both like a step-son.

Marie even wore the same wedding dress as at her first wedding.  Presumably, it wasn’t quite as white.

The pair remarried at the Mormon Temple in Las Vegas, an appropriate locale, since they obviously decided to double-down.

Marie married Stephen again because she can’t legally marry her first choice, Donny.

The wedding guests only included immediate family, so it was attended by 400.

“Meet the Seals”

On Friday, President Obama is scheduled to meet some of the Navy Seals who were involved in the operation that killed Osama Bin Laden.  Fox News has predicted that Obama will kill all of the seals so the operation will have no loose ends.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

“Indian Burn” or “Geronimo!”

It has been reported that the code-name “Geronimo” was used for the operation that killed Osama bin Laden, generating a backlash from offended Native Americans.  The operation’s name will retro-actively be changed, to The Kansas City Chiefs.

Now some Indian leaders are really on the warpath.  Time to circle the wagons.

Native Americans criticized the use of the name in association of an American enemy as a reinforcement of negative Indian stereotypes.  The U.S. government will address the issue Thursday in a conference, to you, know, extend the peace pipe.

Some Native American leaders replied, “Woo woo. woo woo!  Woo woo, woo woo!”

The Native American conference was scheduled after the government’s failed attempt to buy their silence with a basket of some very pretty beads.

Incidentally, Osama bin Laden’s code-name in the operation was Jackpot, which, of course, has offended Las Vegas casinos and their players.

“Bear Facts”

Police reported that black bears that commonly roam New Jersey’s western hills appeared to have wandered and have been sighted along the Jersey Shore.  Either that or Snooki forgot to shave her back.

It could have been worse.  It could have been Snooki, bare.

The bears have been migrating due to a shrinking habitat.  They bears are adapting to their new surroundings by drinking and working on their tans.

Experts have said that the bears wandered to the Shore looking for either food or a reality show spin-off.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

“Holy Whole Grain!”

A tractor-trailer carrying breakfast cereal crashed into a tow truck on the Ohio Turnpike about 2am Monday morning after the driver may have fallen asleep.  At least when he woke up, he had breakfast waiting for him.

The truck fell over on its side, emphasizing the importance of having a well balanced breakfast.

Everyone around saw the truck that caused the accident, but no one got the cereal number.

The driver’s injuries were not too serious, but was lucky to escape with his Life.  And Cinnamon Life.

The truck had seatbelts and airbags, plus it was fortified with 8 vitamins and minerals.

A military investigation is being led my General Mills.

The truck didn’t seem to be completely full, but it was packed by weight, not volume.

The driver will be able to get a new truck as soon as he saves up enough box tops.

On the plus side, when the trailer broke open, there was a free prize inside.

Monday, May 2, 2011

“Bin Laden, Been Found, Been Killed”

President Obama announced last night that Osama bin Laden has been killed by American forces in an operation in Pakistan.  Bin Laden was al-Qaida’s mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks on New York and Washington D.C., the U.S.S. Cole, and 2 U.S. embassies in Africa.  He also stole the idea of Facebook from the Winelvoss twins.

Obama gave the order for the operation a week ago, when intelligence sources learned that bin Laden was still saying Obama wasn’t born in America.

Bin Laden’s death leaves a vacancy in the leadership of al-Qaida.  Students on American college campuses are already demanding that al-Qaida elect its new leader through a fair and democratic election.

The White House has said that they would have captured bin Laden alive, had that been possible.  But it became impossible when bin Laden had pledged that, if he was brought to the USA, he would have voted Republican in the 2012 election.

Before his address to inform the public on television, President Obama had called former Presidents Clinton and Bush.  He called Clinton to say “what’s up,” and called Bush to say “ha-ha.”

Former President Bush might have found bin Laden, but he had been following a lead to look for him in Percoset.

Some have noted that the announcement of Osama bin Laden’s death came on the same date as the announcement of Adolph Hitler’s death, May 1st.  It’s not just a coincidence.  If bin Laden’s death had been announced April 1st, no one would have believed it. 

Celebrations that broke out in Washington D.C., and New York City, where al-Qaida’s deadly attacks had hit American soil.  Critics have said that the celebrations are not the American way to commemorate the news.  The proper way is to quickly produce and sell cheap, crappy memorabelia.

Perhaps only for today, but still interestingly, Moammar Gadhaffi seems to have shut the hell up.